She Saved the World A Lot
by kitelester
Summary: Chronicling the events of the summer after Buffy's death in "The Gift." I kept everyone as close to true characterization as I could. This is what it really, honestly could have been like. Canon pairings only. Undergoing complete re-write and overhaul. (I wrote all seven chapters in one sitting, now I'm going back and fleshing it out and rewriting it.) Chapter 1 Rewrite complete.
1. Decisions

Chapter 1: Decisions

Dawn POV

Replay the words. Memorize them. What did she say?

_I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles… Tell Giles…_

What am I supposed to tell Giles?

I press my hands together and try to focus. What was it…. it's important. I think through it again. She was standing in front of me, calm, like she understood something… _Tell giles I figured it out. _Oh, that's right. She figured it out. Something. I don't know. _And, and I'm okay. _

"Okay…" I force myself to look back up from the ground, into her unseeing eyes. Okay? This is okay to you?

_And give my love to my friends. _Friends.

Xander. Willow. Giles. Tara. Anya. Spike.

Xander looks like he's about to break his hand on a concrete wall. Willow might be about to call upon the forces of darkness. Giles is sitting on the ground, tears streaming down his dirty face. Tara isn't crazy anymore, so that's good. Anya is propped up against the bricks that had hit her. She'll be okay.

Spike has his hands clenched across his body like he's about to rip in two. Veins and tendons are sticking up on his neck, looking like they'll burst right through the surface. His mouth is open, and I can tell he's crying out in pain and saying something, but I can't hear it. I don't hear anything. Just Buffy's last words going through my mind.

_You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world… is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me._

I… I have to remember. I have to remember everything she said. Replay it. Again. Etch it on my heart.

End Dawn POV

Giles has to look away in order to regain his composure. He has to get a hold of himself. There are things that need to happen, decisions that need to be made. First thing is…

"Dawn." Giles whispers his name, his voice hoarse from his cries. Dawn's little frame is shaking, and she looks like she's mumbling something to herself, but no words come out. Dawn… the key… Buffy's sister.

Giles looks away quickly, hoping Dawn was too absorbed in her thoughts to see that one second of blame Giles had placed on her. _No one to blame. This is what happens to Slayers. Buffy always knew it._

Giles looks up from Dawn and watches Xander extricate his hand from some rubble. Giles hadn't even noticed him taking out his frustration in his characteristically violent way.

"Xander. Take Dawn." Not getting a response, Giles gently put his hand on his shoulder. "Please, Xander. Dawn. Take her out of here, before people start coming."

Xander nodded slowly, and stood up shakily. He walks over to Dawn as though he's feeling his way through a fog.

"Dawn. Come on." Dawn doesn't respond, and just keeps whispering something to herself, her eyes staring blankly at her hands. "Dawny, we have to go. Please."

Dawn slowly looks up from wherever her mind had been, and focuses in on Xander. Big, funny Xander.

"I… can't move." Her eyes are wide and bloodshot, and she looked back down at her hands. Xander had never noticed how much she didn't look like Buffy. He made a mental note of never saying that outloud.

Reaching down gently, Xander brought her up to her feet. She leaned on him like he was the only thing keeping her on her feet. Moving slowly but steadily, Xander went to where Anya was resting, and pulled her up as well. Nodding a goodbye to Giles, he escorted both girls away from the destruction.

Alright. Next.

"Willow. Tara. Are you capable of doing magic?" Giles crouched next to the girls, who were huddled together.

Willow nodded, but Giles wasn't sure if she had entirely understood his question.

"W-what do you want us to d-do, Giles?" Tara asked for Willow, who was trying to wipe the tears away. They came faster than she could clear them away.

"The police will be here soon. We can't… we can't let anyone find out. About Buffy." Willow finally met his eyes, and he saw the confusion there. "The um… The news would spread. That there's no Slayer."

At this pronouncement, the three of them looked up at Spike. His cries had been silenced so suddenly, it was like someone had slapped them. Spike made no other movement or indication that he had really heard them, so Giles looked back down at Willow.

Understanding began to dawn in her eyes. Buffy is dead. Faith was in prison. No new slayer would be called. No slayer, means…

"Yeah. We can… we can distract them. Make them go away. You take care of um… you know…" Willow stood up, hoping her knees would hold her weight. As she stood, she felt bile rise in her throat as her eye caught Buffy's. "Oh… oh God…" Leaning over, she emptied her stomach into a pile of bricks.

"Shh… it's okay… take your time…" Tara rubbed her back and held her hair for her, waiting for Willow to finish.

Giles turned from the girls, and stepped over to Spike and Buffy.

"Spike." No answer. "We need to… we need to move her. I can't do it on my own."

Spike didn't turn or acknowledge him in any way, but Giles knew he'd heard him. Spike, who was now eerily quiet, just sat and stared at the motionless Slayer.

After a few more beats, Giles wondered if it wasn't a lost cause. Just as he decided he'd have to see if he could manage on his own, Spike crouched over Buffy and hugged her limp body too his. It took him a moment to stand and steady himself—that had been a fall to remember—but he was on his feet soon enough, looking at Giles for further instruction.

Swallowing hard, Giles led the way to his car. This was going to be along night.

000

Everyone met back at the Magic Box. No one had suggested it per se, they just collectively didn't want to be at the Summer's home. Not yet.

"Dawn's asleep in the training room. I made a bed for her out of… I don't' know." Xander plopped down at the table next to Willow, and put his hand in her hair, stroking it absently. "Are you all… I mean no ones physically hurt, right?" Willow and Tara shook their heads, and looked up at Anya.

"Well yes, those bricks fell on me. I think I'm okay, though. I took some, um… magic roots." Anya stood up from the table and absently meandered to the counter.

"Do either of you uh, know where Giles is?"

"No. We think he… we think he took Buffy somewhere. We haven't heard from him-"

All three of them looked up suddenly when they heard a crash from behind the counter.

"Sorry. I… this crystal was being offensive and insensitive. It's supposed to bring luck and long life to the wearer. I didn't like that." Anya shook where she stood, and cast her eyes around looking for a broom. "I'll clean it… I'll…"

Xander stood and strode over to Anya. Taking her in his arms, he pressed her up against him.

Shaking harder, Anya collapsed against him.

"What's going to happen, Xander?" She finally choked out, peering up at him with fear and grief in her eyes.

"I don't know, Anya. We'll just wait here for Giles to come back and… then we'll figure everything out."

Xander led Anya back to the table, and they sat down quietly. Tara reached out and gently held one of Anya's hands, trying to offer her what support she could. Anya held it tightly, thinking briefly that she had changed so much in such a short amount of time.

After some indeterminable amount of time, the bell sounded and the door opened. Giles came into view, holding his check which sported a freshly forming bruise.

"Giles! What happened? Are you okay?"

"Well, you should see the other guy." Giles half smiled tightly, and walked briskly to the four at the table. A few moments later, Spike trailed in after him, eyes closed, massaging his head.

Xander looked up at Giles, a question in his eyes. Giles waved him down, and motioned for Spike to come in all the way. He'd been hovering near the door, apparently deciding if he really wanted to be surrounded by the grieving scoobies. They hadn't been known for being able to control their emotions in the past, and were prone to taking out their feelings on him in a very violent manner. Deciding that ending up a pile of dust didn't really sound like too bad of an idea, Spike continued to head towards the gang.

"I daresay I deserved this." He said by way of explanation, motioning to his cheek. "And he deserves the migraine." Spike tossed him a 'sod off' look and sat down on the counter, looking irritated but harmless. "Moving along. We have left Buffy at the Summer's residence. In the basement. I've placed a spell around her for the time being, keeping her body in stasis, until we've agreed what to do." Taking off his glasses, Giles stared at the lenses, waiting for his words to sink in.

"What to do? What do you mean, Giles? Surely you're not suggesting we zombify Buffy. That would be wrong, and… Icky. Right?" Anya looked at Xander for confirmation, and he nodded his head.

"Right, Anya. But I don't think that's what he means."

"Quite. WE have options. I was hoping to get Dawn's opinion, but…"

"She's asleep. Let's talk first, and involve her later."

"Right. It really just comes down to our personal preference. Do we want to keep Buffy's death a secret, or no? I vote yes." Giles began to wipe his glasses absently, remembering all the times Buffy had eased him about his nervous habit.

"Well… I get the whole 'don't want word getting out that the Slayer is gone' thing, but… we can't just keep this a secret. She has… you know, people who know her . at school. And family. Her dad—

"Buffy's father doesn't even know about Joyce." Xander's voice is loud and hard, and the others look up at him. "Not that it's right to keep this from him. Or maybe it is. I don't know."

"I tried contacting him. He won't answer my messages. I left them vague, of course, but um…"

"But the bloke's too busy livin the life to notice his little girl's gone and stopped livin hers." Spikes expression was dark as he took out a cigarette and fumbled with his lighter.

Silence fell as they all thought about his statement. It was true.

"In any case, Hank doesn't know right now. He doesn't have to know either. Another thing to consider si what's best for Dawn. It's a complicated question."

"You mean, if Dawn would be better off with a father who hasn't given a hoot about her, her sister, or her mom in years, or if she would be better off in foster care, or if for some crazy reason it would bee best if her _real _family took her in? The ones who know everything about her and still loves her unconditionally? Yeah, complicated question, there." Willow's lip trembles, and she forces it to stop by taking on a grimace. "She's not going anywhyere… I mean unless she wants to. You don't think she wants to, do you?" Willow turns to Tara, who whispers no.

Everyone was silent for a moment while considering Willow's words and their own feelings. Spike wondered for a moment if it would be easier for him to protect Dawn if all these wankers were out of her life.

"Does anyone have any objections to keeping Buffy's death a secret, and taking care of Dawn ourselves?"

"How are we going to fake it? I mean… we can pretend all we want, but… what's the difference between Buffy dying and Buffy suddenly disappearing? It seems to me that it will just end up the same." Anya crosses her arms over her chest and leans into Xander.

"The bot. Red could fix it." Spike brought his now lit cigarette up to his lips, semi hoping his mentioning the bot would get Xander in a tiff. It would be a short fight, of course, but some violence was feeling about due.

"Yeah. I could. I mean it'll take time, and it couldn't ever replace her, but…"

"Its decided then. Now about the funeral… I have contacts. And some left over bribe money. We can have a private funeral for her. We can put her somewhere nobody goes, maybe put some glamor over her name in case someone stumbles across it." Giles looked up from his glasses to the four sitting at the table. He could tell they weren't really listening. "Never mind. I'll take care of it. This is enough for tonight. Go home, get some rest. I'll contact you."

Standing, Willow glanced at the back room. Before she could start her way back there to get Dawn, Spike told everyone to hold on a second.

"Just one last piece of business for you lot. I'm not going anywhere. I made a promise to Buffy, and I'm keeping it. so if you have any objections, just stake me." Spike turned from the group, and looked at the back door. "Or set fire to my crypt if you're too chicken." Throwing his half-smoked cigarette on the ground, he started walking to the back room. Before opening the door, he turned his head and made sure he had their attention. "And migraine or no, I'll bloody well clock anyone who suggests I do otherwise."

Turning away from them again, he opened the door, glanced at the sleeping teen, and made his way for the sewers.


	2. Blood and Chocolate Cookies

"Jeez, Spike. Wear reflective gear or something." Xander put his hand over his chest, willing his heart to slow down. The blonde had yet again seemingly appeared from the darkness beside the Summer's home.

"Would defeat the purpose. Don't mind me." Spike leaned up against the tree, absently running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah whatever." Xander continues up the steps and into the warm house. It was chilly for a summer night, and Xander hadn't brought a jacket.

"Hey there Xan." Dawn offered a small smile, and brought him a plate of cookies. They looked good, but… small. Like they hadn't formed the way they should. "I'm learning to bake." Xander took one of the cookies and popped it whole in his mouth. He was able to catch himself from making a sour expression, and gave an encouraging smile instead.

"Very good, Dawny. You keep practicing. Hey, where are you—"

"Gonna give Spike one. Don't worry about me, Willow's upstairs."

Shrugging, Xander headed upstairs.

"What're you doing out in the cold, bit?"

"Could ask you the same. You are able to come inside, you know. Just because… you know, just because Buffy is…" Dawn grabbed the plate with both hands, holding it steady.

"Those cookies, luv?" Spike reached out and took a handful.

"Yeah. Made them myself. They uhh… didn't form right, I think I mixed up table spoons and tea spoons with one of the ingredients, but Xander liked it and I think they're okay."

Spike didn't even flinch when he popped a few in his mouth.

"Very good. Now get back inside and warm up before one of those do-gooders thinks I lured you out here to freeze or some nonsense." Spike leaned back up against the tree and closed his eyes, trying to make it clear to her that he was done with the conversation.

Undeterred, Dawn sat down on the steps adjacent to him.

"It's not that cold."

After a few moments, the warmth she got from the plate of cookies began to dissipate, and she shivered unintentionally.

"In ya go, bit. Don't make me call someone out here to get you." Spike threw the last of a cigarette to the ground and stepped on it.

"You'd tattle?" She looked up disbelievingly.

"You bet I would." Summers women. So incredibly stubborn.

"I'm 14. I can sit outside. It's barely dark. Plus, you're here. What could—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, short stuff. Bloody tempting the fates and all." Spike pulled out another fag, but didn't light it. "Just get your tail inside."

Her jaw set, Dawn instead pushed the cookies around on her plate.

"Do you come here every night?"

The question was sudden, but not totally unexpected. Still holding the unlit fag, Spike kept his eyes down.

"Yeah."

"And… do you stay all night?" Spike couldn't determine what her expression meant.

"Yeah." Carefully ignoring her, he pulled out his lighter unceremoniously. Was she glad or creeped out with this new information?

"Hm." Dawn didn't seem fazed at all, actually. She just absently ate a cookie, and stared up at the stars. When she shivered this time, Spike couldn't take it anymore. He threw his barely-smoked cigarette on the ground and stomped on it on his way to the door.

As he passed dawn, she reached out and grabbed his coat.

"No! I… I don't want to be inside. They're talking about the funeral."

"They're talkin upstairs, Dawn. Go back in the kitchen and make cookies or cakes or stare at the telly." He grabbed the side of his duster and pulled it out of her grasp. "Come on now, nibblet." He added, this time with softness.

"No. Unless you come inside too and talk to me. About… I don't know…stuff." Dawn placed the plate down next to her and drew her knees up to her chest.

Making an exasperated sound, Spike clutched his head momentarily. Thought about risking a few minutes of searing pain by just knocking her out and dragging her inside.

But then… he'd have to go inside.

Sighing, Spike tore off his duster and dropped it on Dawn's head with a distracted 'do what you like.'

Taking his spot back by the tree, Spike reached for his cigarettes before realizing they were in the duster. Dawn slipped it down from off her head, and wrapped it around her shoulders. She was basically swimming in it. She shivered down into it, and leaned against the post, closing her eyes.

_Stupid kid. I bet she'd just fall asleep, right there, out in the open, at this time of night. Amazing anyone's kept her alive this long. Got my work cut out for me, I do._

"Do you uh… know what kind of flowers? Like um, are there special wiccan flowers for this kind of thing? Magic decorative flowers that make it all less awful?" Xander was lying on Willow and Tara's bed, staring up at his childhood friend.

He can't help but think about when they were little. Thinks about just the two of them, innocent, just being kids. Can't believe that the same willow he used to comfort after a bully had teased her was now a powerful witch. A powerful witch who he was now helping to plan the funeral of their best friend, the slayer. It was all too much sometimes.

"I… um, yes—well not really magic flowers, but flowers that emit vibes of comfort, I'm not sure what they're called. I'll ask Tara when she gets back."

"Does she have the programs?"

"Yeah. And she was going to get food on her way home, she should be back soon." Willow brushed her hair behind her ear, and leaned her head against the headboard. "Xander, this is so messed up."

"I know, Wills. I know." Sitting up, he took her hands in his own, and gave them a light kiss. It seemed like so long ago now that they were flirting and kissing and acting on crazy, stupid hormones.

Willow was so grateful to have Xander. She loved him to pieces, always had, but… even with Tara, she doesn't think she'd be able to get through this without her Xander.

"I'm lucky to have a friend like you."

"And don't you forget it!" Xander teased, emphasizing it by wagging his finger at her.

"Never."

Spike recognized the sound of Tara's car coming home. He considered just hiding back in the shadows, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. Tara was the first one to really speak to him after everything had happened. She was sweet, that one. Only one of the lot that didn't still suspect him of ulterior motives on occasion. Too innocent and good.

"Oh, h-hey Spike." She lifted her hand in a half-hearted gesture, and closed the driver's door to her car. She then turned and opened up the door to the backseat, revealing several bulky bags. Groceries and take out.

"Need some help?" Tara started to mumble an 'I'm fine' that Spike ignored. He grabbed the remaining bags in the back seat, and closed the car door for her.

"Oh, thanks." Tara started back up to the house, and noticed the sleeping teenager. "Is she s-sleeping?"

"Yeah. Figured I'd leave her until one a you could get her."

"She looks happy. I'll leave her there for now-if, that's okay." She added quickly, measuring Spikes response.

"Whatever." His expression changed from one of boredom to confusion, as he looked down at the bags. "Witch… Why is there blood in one of these bags?" Sniffing the air, he looked at her suspiciously.

"Oh, um, we're uh going to have dinner. I brought it for you in case." Turning, Tara headed inside, carefully stepping over Dawn.

"Well, that's mighty decent of you." Closest to a thanks she'd get.

Tara took it graciously, and smiled up warmly at him.

"Willow! I'm home! Is Xander here?"

"Yeah! We'll be down in a sec!"


	3. Services

"Into every generation a slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number. She is the slayer." Giles took a moment to collect himself, and then continued. He recited every prophecy that Buffy had fulfilled, destroyed, or somehow subverted. He said each one as if it was the most sacred of scripture (some were scripture), sometimes adding a few lines of his own. When he finished, he put his paper down and looked at the small crowd. He looked each in the eyes as he spoke. "And in the end, death was her gift. She will always be the Slayer. She will always be our dearest, most loyal friend. She will always be my daughter, in every sense of the word that matters. We will carry on her legacy, and though her soul is far away and her body empty, she will live on in us. Each one of us at some time or another had our lives saved by Buffy. Each time she saved us, she gave us a part of her. As we continue living, that piece of her lives on as well. Thank you." Giles placed a flower on her coffin, and took his seat by Anya.

Anya didn't speak, but she put two flowers on the coffin. One was a simple daisy, and the other looked like it had been plucked from a hell dimension… which it may have. She then returned and sat next to Xander, who stood.

"She's Buffy. It didn't matter what kind of nasty I was about to get eaten by, I knew she would come. If I just heard her voice, it was instant. I just relaxed and smiled, cuz I knew she was there. I believed in her and always knew she'd pull through. It was more than that, though. She… she wasn't perfect or anything. She made mistakes and messed up. She gave up a few times. But she always kept getting up. And… even though Slayers have been doing what she does alone for thousands of years or however long, and even though she is gallons of times better than all of them, she had us by her side. She wanted us there. And we wanted to be there. Every time. Didn't matter the danger. Didn't even notice the danger at some point. I love you, Buffy." Pulling a crumpled flower from his pocket, he laid it tenderly next to Giles's.

Willow stood, and smiled softly at her friends in the front row. Behind them were about four rows of others. Some demons, some humans. Some from Sunnydale, some from L.A. or other areas. Some she knew well, some she didn't know hardly at all. Giles had some seer find people who knew and loved Buffy, like Anne, a girl from LA, who they'd never met. She was crying softly into the chest of a handsome looking man. Willow wondered briefly how she knew Buffy, how Buffy had changed her life.

"When I met Buffy, I thought she was just another airheaded Cordelia groupie—uh, no offense." Willow nodded to the named brunette, who just shrugged. "Buffy proved to me that people could be more than what people thought of them, more than what they thought of themselves. A girly-girl could be the vampire slayer. A librarian could be part of an ancient society of watchers—and a former bad-boy-warlock, I might add." A chuckle. "A biology teacher could be a praying mantis. A vampire could have a soul. Or, you know, a chip." Another chuckle. "And… and a girl with no confidence and little self-respect could become someone, too. A witch. A robotics engineer. A demonology expert. We all became someone new because of Buffy. Sometimes that someone new wasn't a good thing… hyena boy." A louder chuckle. "But we all kept becoming. Changing. Growing. Now we're here, and she's not… and that sucks. Because she won't see who we keep becoming. She's affected us forever. Upward mobility and all that. We're all headed somewhere we didn't even know existed before we met her. And I'll always love her for that and a thousand other reasons." Willow caught a single tear, regained her composure, and turned to the coffin.

Putting her hand in the air, she whispered a few incantations, and a beautiful, exotic flower appeared. It floated in the air for a second, above the coffin, before bursting into light. Many smaller versions of the flower floated down to the top of the coffin and surrounded the other flowers.

Dawn got up next, and placed a pink flower on the coffin. She lingered there for a moment.

"Her last words… I'll never forget them. One thing she said was 'the hardest thing about this world, is to live in it.' Buffy was life, even if death was her gift."

Sitting down, she squeezed Tara and Willow's hands.

Tara stood up next, and walked gracefully to the front of the crowd.

"I didn't know Buffy for as long as some of you, but… I'll always love her." Lifting her hand, all of the flowers on the coffin came alive, and they sprouted leaves and stems. They intertwined, forming a beautiful circle. Instead of landing on the coffin, it floated to the ground around her gravestone. New stems sprouted, and took root in the ground. "This was Buffy's power. She took in the ones that were different. Former watchers. Former demons, current demons, witches…carpenter-slash-she-demon magnets. She didn't care. She took us all… and knitted us together. If-if you have a flower, please come and place it here. The spell will continue to accept new flowers until the ceremony is over."

After she sat down, people began filing forward one by one. There were all sorts of flowers offered. Some were hastily grabbed from nearby shrubbery, some had been carefully chosen and somehow represented their feelings for her. Some were from this world, common but beautiful, some were exotic and other-worldly.

By the end, a beautiful circle of flowers surrounded the headstone.

The coffin was lowered into the grave, and one by one, they each threw a handful of dirt on the coffin.

Angel motioned to Giles on his way back from the ceremony.

"Giles… I'm needed back in L.A. But, if you need anything…"

"I know how to find you. Thank you for coming, it would have meant a lot for her.

"Thank you for the overcast day. Or maybe I should thank the witches." He said, smiling over at the girls.

"Well… Meteorologists will be a little confused, but Sunnydale isn't known for its predictable weather patterns. Besides, I should be thanking you for this… uh… peace spell. Buffy's friends and uh, acquaintances aren't know for being stable."

"Thank Lorne—the Pylean. Well, like I said… a phone call away." Angel shook the watchers hand grimly, and turned to Dawn.

"Hey, Dawny." Pulling her into a tight embrace, he repeated the words he'd given Giles. "I'm sorry I can't stay."

"It's okay… I know how to find you. And be safe, okay? I can't… I don't want to lose-"

"Don't worry, it's okay. I've escaped a hell dimension, right? Willow, how hard is it to escape a hell dimension?"

"Um… impossible, usually?" Willow smiled at Angel, glad to see that he made it after all.

"See what I mean? So don't worry about it. I'll be around whenever you want me to." Pulling back from the embrace, he wiped away Dawn's tears. "So don't you worry one bit."

"Hey, Dawny. Willow." Cordelia was here now, all hugs and support. Buffy really did change people. Even in death. She even smiled at Xander and Anya.

"Cordelia, my dear. Thanks for coming. It would have meant a lot to Buffy. We're having a get-together at her house, later. If you, Angel, and Wesley would like to join. Oz will be there as well."

"Yeah. We're planning to get drunk and stuff." Xander offered, covering Dawn's ears protectively.

"I'd like that. Let me go talk to everyone, make sure that's okay. We've got a crazy… uh… situation at home right now, have to make a few calls."

"Of course, Angel. Just come by if you can.

There was indeed drinking. There was crying, there was laughing. Everyone came—the whole Scooby gang. Together again. Reminiscing, ordering take-out food, finding out secrets that seemed so important to hide at the time. Everyone had a story to tell. As the night rolled on, Dawn finally couldn't keep her eyes open anymore.

"I'll take her upstairs." Angel offered, picking her up easily. "Is someone going on a beer run?"

"That's me. Werewolves don't get drunk as easily as humans. Kinda sucks, actually." Oz grabbed his coat and his keys, and headed out the door.

"Alright Dawney… Off to bed."

Dawn mumbled something incoherently, and readjusted herself, throwing her arms around Angel's neck.

Angel carefully arranged her on the bed, and put the covers over her. Before heading back downstairs, Angel took a moment to just _be_ in Buffy's house. Pretend she was going to turn the corner, flip the light on in her room… wait a second.

Quietly leaving Dawn's room and closing the door, Angel headed to Buffy's room. _Someone's in her room… no wait, someTHING._

"Spike." Angel didn't bother to turn the light on. He knew who was in there—could feel him near all night, but hadn't bothered to investigate. Hadn't given it much thought, really.

"Ponce." Spike responded, offering a mocking bow of the head and raising his beer bottle before taking a swig. He was sitting on the floor of Buffy's room, back leaning against the wall. Right under the window where Angel had first kissed Buffy.

Not really knowing what Spike was up to or where he stood, Angel just stood in the doorway.

"What, you want a bottle? Cuz you can't have any. Always bloody takin my things."

Angel could hear the slur in his voice. He'd been drinking for a while now.

"What are you up to, Spike? Planning on getting so smashed you can't feel the chip in your head, then attack? Or you just going to sit up here and mope? Or, I don't know… Stake yourself?" Angel was trying to get a rise out of him, Spike could tell. Wasn't sure why. Not that Angel'd ever really needed a reason, by his estimation.

"Shut it, Angelus. I can still fight… demons. Stake you in a heartbeat. If I had one."

Angel caught the use of his former name. Sighing, he walked further into the room and sat down across from Spike, resting against Buffy's bed.

"You gonna give me a beer or make me beat it out of you, boy?" Spike almost snorted, and passed him one from his stash.

"It's light. Cuz you're… light. Lightweight. Poof." Spike abandoned his attempt at an insult, and took another swig. "Always a poof."

"And you've always been a pain in my neck." Angel popped the top off his beer, and drank deeply. "Ugh… tastes like piss. Where'd you get this, anyway?"

"Bloody America, 's where. Why'd we leave Rome and come here, anyway Angelus?"

Looking closer at Spike, Angel noticed several gashes on his face. He'd been picking fights with demons, no doubt.

"The Immortal, remember? We uh… decided to let him off easy. Couldn't bother with killing the fool." Angel found himself slipping into his Irish brogue. "We could always go back, kill him right and proper."

Spike looked like he was considering it for a minute before shrugging it off.

"Nah. Not worth it. Sides… wouldn't want Darla and Dru havin ta go back. Relive memories and all."

"Hey. I've got booze."

"Oh, Oz. We were just talking about that time Buffy was a rat."

"Oh yeah, good times. Oh, did Angel leave?" Oz looked around, but the souled vampire wasn't in sight.

"Oh… no, he's here. Did he not come back downstairs?" Willow looked around briefly, only just now noticing he wasn't there. "I'll go check. Gotta use the little girl's room anyway." Willow detangled herself from Tara and moved Xander aside.

Oz set the beer down on the ground and took a spot on the floor, listening to Xander tell the story to all those who hadn't been present.

Willow checked Dawn's room first, and found her sleeping soundly. She was getting tangled in her dress, so Willow went to the drawers and pulled out some PJ's. She would be embarrassed at the help in the morning when she realized, but Willow figured the invasion of privacy was worth it. Besides, she'd use magic, so it wasn't even like she was really doing it.

Having made Dawn nice and comfy, willow close the door to her room and resumed her Angel-hunt. She decided to check the bathroom first, but then she heard low voices coming from Buffy's room.

On alert, she summoned the magicks intuitively and walked to the bedroom door.

"…think, Angelus? If we teamed up, we could probly just off 'im." Angelus? That… that can't be. Willow closed her eyes and focused. She could feel it—his soul. Angel was still Angel. And that other voice… Spike?

"Darla wouldn't like it, you know." Angel's voice sounded different, but… wait, did he say Darla? She's dead, isn't she?

"Doesn't have ta know it's us.

"What's the point of killin the Master if we can't tell anyone? That's like killin' a girl—"

"Without makin her cry. Yeah yeah, I know." Willow's blood went cold for a second. But… the Master was definitely dead.

"Guess I could finally teach you something. Didn't even have ta beat you or sleep with Drusilla ta do it."

Snorts of laughter, the sounds of drinking.

_Oh…_ Willow thought. Smiling to herself, she went back downstairs.

"Where's Angel?" Cordy asked, grabbing herself a new beer.

"Just having a walk down memory lane. He'll be down later, probably."

"Hey Willow… guess what…" Anya was the most drunk of all of them. Her human constitution was just not cut out to hold her alcohol. "We just figured out… that Spikes name is William."

"Very good, Anya." Willow smirked, and sat down between Xander and Oz.

"No, there's more! And Angel's name is Liam. Which is the Irish version of William. And you're Willow! And that's the girl version of William! You're all William! Hahahahahah!" Anya kept laughing until her laughter became snorting and she sat down, thoroughly pleased with herself. "You're… all William… hahah…" her laughter quieting, Anya took another drink.

"That's… true. Huh. Never thought about that. We should make a club."

Morning rolled around, and one by one the grievers began to wake up. Angel had come back downstairs eventually, and was now sleeping in one of the safe, dark corners. Everyone else was sprawled here or there, trying to get some sleep and peace while they could.

Tara was the first to wake up, and decided to make some nice pancakes. Funny shapes. Well… funny shapes by default, because rounds always seemed to come out funny shaped anyway.

She was joined soon by Oz, who offered to help.

"Hey Tara… thanks for takin care of Willow. I mean it. I can tell you're good for her."

"Thank you, Oz. I…" Tara paused for a moment, considering the man before her. "I know she really loved you. And… there's a piece of her that will always be yours, you know." The two shared a tender smile, and got to work making a nice breakfast.

Soon, everyone had filed in, thanking Tara an Oz for the pancakes and coffee.

"Gonna need that if I'm driving back to L.A. today."

"Mmm… pancakes…"

"Dawny, good to see you up and at em."

Angel pulled Willow aside into the hallway.

"Listen, Willow, last night I heard you outside the door. Just so you know, I still have my soul."

"I know, smart-guy. If you didn't I'd be re-ensouling you right now. Or, staking you." Willow smiled up at him knowingly.

"Oh, okay then. It's just, Spike… he was really drunk, and had gotten hit in the head a bunch of times. And he's grieving, in a weird, Spike kind of way."

"And he wanted to pretend for a moment that he hadn't lost his whole vampire family, gotten a chip in his head and fallen in love with the Slayer he'd wanted to kill, then lost her after having sworn to protect her and her sister. Yeah. I figured it out."

"Okay… good. So, not gonna stake me?"

"Stake free. Is he still up there?"

"I don't know, maybe. He was hurt pretty bad, but he should be healing up. I gave him some blood last night."

"Oh. I didn't know we had blood in the house—oh, unless you brought some. Which is fine. Mi casa—well, not MI casa. Um, anyway, that's good. Hope he heals up." Turning from Angel, Willow walked back into the kitchen, barely noticing from the corner of her eye the cut on Angel's wrist, just barely peeking out from under his jacket. She didn't really register what that meant until later that day, when her head wasn't pounding so much.

"Cordy, Wesley, Lorne is here with the car." Grabbing a blanket from the sofa and promising to return it, Angel made his final good-byes to Dawn and the rest of the gang. Cordy was giving them all tight hugs and making them promise to call, and visit them in L.A. sometime.

He hadn't really realized how much he'd missed this place. The familiar smell, the feeling of safety. He also hadn't realized how painful it would be to know Buffy wasn't going to run down those stairs any minute with a 'Sorry, hair was having one of those piss-Buffy-off days,' looking for all the world like a goddess.

It was good to leave. He wasn't needed here anyways, not really. L.A. was where he was needed.

"And they were… pretending it was back before the angel-with-a-soul days?"

"I don't know if pretend is the right word. But yeah, Angel had an Irish accent and everything."

"R-really? Wow. It's hard to imagine. It was my first time meeting him though, so I guess I wouldn't really know." Tara took another sip. "So… why?"

"Well… I figure it was mostly for Spike. Angel doesn't like him—like, at all—but I bet he felt sorry for him. And responsible, I guess. Was letting him have a night where things were simple again. I think everyone would want a night like that. Sometimes I would."

Tara took another sip of her coffee, and looked up at Willow thoughtfully.

"I guess that's true."

From behind them, they heard the familiar sound of the Magic Box's bell. They looked up, and saw Xander stride in with Dawn in tow.

"Ladies. Anyone trying to destroy the world?" They both shook their heads. "Unnatural killings? Weather patterns? Crop circles? No? Okay. Then I'll be leaving Dawn with you and heading out. Call me if there's an apocalypse."

"Hey Dawney."

"Hey. What're you working on?"

"Schematics for the Buffy-bot. Just trying to figure out how to fix it."

"Oh, okay. Anything I can do to help?"

Willow looked over at Dawn, then back down at the pages she had in front of her.

"Um… not with this, no. Tara could use some help, though. She's researching some protective spells and such." Willow smiled over at Tara, who tossed Dawn a book. A very non-lethal, extremely low-level Wicca book.

"Oh, research, cool!" Dawn dove into it, happy to be a part of the team.


	4. Don't Go Far

"Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know; your stairway lies on the whispering wind?" Spike throws his beer bottle at the wall in tune with the music, and begins playing along on his air guitar. "And as we wind on down the road" Spike kicks another bottle at the wall, really wailing out the lyrics now "our shadow taller than our soul. There walks a—"

"Spike?"

"Ahh!" Spike falls off his precarious perch on the sarcophagus, and tumbles into a heap on the ground.

"Bloody hell. None of you know how to knock, do you? Is that a part of the initiation into your inner circle—Pick one: Kill a demon, be a demon, or go barge into a neutered demons sanctuary without bloody knocking?" Spike picks himself up from the ground, and limps over to his CD player. It's getting to his favorite part, but the moods ruined now, so he shuts it off with an agitated flick. "What do you want then, got a demon breathin down your neck? Need ol' Spike to clean up a mess, maybe take the fall for somethin?"

"No, nothing like that." Willow sits down on the sarcophagus and looks steadily at Spike. "I… do need a favor, though."

Sitting in his chair, Spike takes out a cigarette and lights it casually.

"Yeah, what? Couldn't wait until tonight?"

"Well that's the favor. It's about tonight. I want to get the Buffybot working, but I need a part. I need to leave town to get it, and won't be back until tomorrow. I don't want to leave Dawn and Tara alone for that long. ."

"And you couldn't leave a note on my tree?"

"I was hoping you'd go to the house today. Nowish." Willow gave her best innocent-and-cute smile, hoping it worked on evil vampires as well as it did on others.

"Why? And its day time, I'm supposed to be sleepin anyway."

"You can sleep at the house. It's just… I feel a little uneasy. Tara isn't feeling well, and if something were to happen… Everyone else is at work or doing stuff. Please? With blood on top?"

Spike stared at her for a moment before shaking his head.

"One a these times, one a you lot are gonna burst in her at the wrong time and I'm gonna bloody well eat you." Throwing his cigarette on the floor and stomping on it, Spike stood up.

"Good! So you're coming?" Willow jumped down from her spot, and smiled again.

"Yeah, course. Let me grab my blanket."

Slamming the door behind them and throwing his sizzling blanket on the ground, Spike dropped himself onto the couch.

He still felt weird inside Buffy's house, and only came in when he absolutely had to. Sun being up and all, he couldn't take his normal spot by the tree.

"Okay, so I should be back tomorrow afternoon or evening. I'll call if it's later. There's food and blood in the fridge. Dawn can hang out with Melinda but not Janice. Actually, just keep her home."

"Red."

"Yeah?"

"Go." Rubbing his forehead with one hand, he pointed to the door with his other.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Okay. Tara knows a spell if you need to get a hold of me. Okay bye."

_She is absolutely nutters._

Spike stood and grabbed his blanket, and flopped down on his couch.

"And she's buying a stairway to heaven…" he mumbled to himself before drifting off to sleep.

"Oh, Spike. Guess Willow really did go get you." Tara looked both parts relieved and slightly annoyed. "I t-told her that there was no need. You'd be by tonight anyway."

Spike rolled over, eyeing Tara.

"It'll be like I'm not even here. Aren't you supposed to be sick?"

"Well, I don't know if I'm supposed to be, but I am. Cold. Came down to get some chamomile and drugs. D-do you want some? Tea, I mean?" Tara was wringing her hands semi-nervously, and gestured to the kitchen.

"No thanks, luv. Just flip the lights off when you're done." Spike rolls over and appears to go back to sleep.

Tara smiles at his form briefly, and makes a mental note to make sure they stay stocked with blood. After making herself some tea, she smiles softly at him again and goes back upstairs, feeling a lot safer than she had when she'd started for the stairs.

_I hope he passes Willow's little test here._

"Spike?" This time it was Dawn waking Spike up. In response, he just pulled the pillow over his head and waited for her to get the message. "Oh, sorry. Quiet as a mouse."

"A mouse that turns the telly on right next to a sleeping vampire?"

Dawn looked up at him, all innocence and big eyes, and turns the volume down slightly.

Sitting up with a sigh, he looks up bleary eyed at the cartoon she'd put on. Tom and Jerry? Much as he liked the mindless violence, he needed his sleep if he was going to be any use on guard duty tonight. Demons were getting a bit more confident, since none had seen the Slayer in a good while.

Standing up, Spike readjusted his coat and slipped his shoes back on.

"Gonna find a nice quiet spot. Sneak out or do somethin stupid and I'll steal morphine so I can beat you right and proper." Spike puts just enough sharpness in his eye to let Dawn know he really isn't in the mood for any antics.

"Right. No stupid. I'm miss not-stupid, whole day." Spike nodded and picked up his blanket, heading to the hallway."

"Spike…" Turning back, annoyance written all over his face, Spike waited for her to finish her sentence. "Nothing. Never mind." Rolling his eyes, he turned once again to find a quiet spot.

_Don't go far._

"Hey Mel, come in!" The small, dark haired girl bounced in and gave Dawn a quick hug.

"It seems like ages since I've been here. Whatcha watchin?" Mel motioned to the TV, already entranced. Her parents hated TV, so she really only got to watch when she came over to a friends house.

"I don't know, some dumb cartoon. We can watch a movie, if you want. I've got tons of popcorn. And we can watch pretty much whatever we want, because everyone's either sick, asleep, or away." Dawn proudly showed her the DVD and VHS drawers. "Ta da!"

"Whoa…" Mel was always so impressed with whatever Dawn did. She thought Dawn just lived the coolest life, getting raised by her easy-going big sister and her friends. She was always sensitive about her parents' divorce and her mom's death, but still admired how free and fun Dawn always seemed. "How about this one? I still haven't seen it."

"IT? Well, okay. I haven't either. I'll go make the popcorn, can you get it all set up?"

Mel nodded and took the box from her. This was going to be so cool.

They weren't far into the movie before both their heads were under the blanket Dawn had gotten from the hall closet. Their eyes poked up above the covers when the music died down, just in time to see…

"AHHHH!" Both girls screamed simultaneously, scaring each other, before slapping their hands over each other's mouths. The silence lasted only a second, though, when both girls screamed again as a large, dark figure charged into the room wielding a sword.

"What is it? What's going on?" Spike spun around the room a few times, ran into the kitchen, and then back into the front room. "What is it?"

"S…Spike… I…" Dawn's wide eyes began to soften and her heartbeat slowed down a bit. Spike looked at her cowering friend, and then at the telly, from which the scariest laughing was emanating from.

"What the… is this what scared you? You were watching IT?" Grabbing the remote, Spike switched it back to cable, where cartoon animals were chasing each other. "Bloody well gave me a heart attack. Only scream if you're in mortal peril, got that nibblet? Wha'd I say about stupid?"

"Uh… to not to?"

"Exactly." Spike threw the sword onto the kitchen table and regarded the cowering creature beside Dawn. "Who's the bite size, then?"

"Oh, uh, this is Mel. Melinda. Willow an' Tara said she could come over."

"Right. Well, just keep it down an… Bloddy hell… Melinda was it? Not gonna bite ya," _any time soon, anyway, _"So calm yourself. Just watch ya bloody cartoons."

"Spike!"

"What now, bit? Man's gotta get his rest."

"Um… could you… is it okay… can you stay nearby?" Dawn feels pathetic asking, but the shadows cast by the afternoon sun on the walls were looking suspiciously clown-like at the moment.

Spike looked around, then shook his head in resignation.

"Yeah, sure thing nibblet. You an' bite size just… try not to scream. And if I hear any demonic clown laughter, I'm telling on you, you know I will." Spike went back to the cot down in the cellar and grabbed his blanket and pillow. _They're bloody house breaking me. Soon I'll be cooking them dinner an… goin ta football games. Soccer. Whatever._

Spike traipsed back up the steps, and threw his blanket and pillow on the floor of the hallway, just barely far enough away to have his peace and quiet, but close enough to hear and see them.

"Dawn, have you had dinner yet? I don't think I want to cook today. How does—oh, hey Mel. How does pizza sound? Or… uh… Chinese?"

Mel and Dawn look at each other, briefly, then back at Tara.

"Pizza! With anchovies, please."

"Right. Oh, and Spike's here, by the way. I was going to tell you earlier, but I… what?"

Mel and Dawn started giggling to each other when she mentioned Spike, and pointed down the hallway when she questioned them.

"Wha… oh dear." Spike was sprawled out on the floor, one arm hugging his pillow to him, the other flung out over his face. His legs were poking out from under his tattered blanket in different directions. Lowering her voice, Tara asked them if they wanted breadsticks.

"Bloo…dy…hell…" Spike murmured to himself in his sleep, turning over and kicking his leg free of the blanket.

Snickering, the three girls went into the kitchen to dig up plastic plates and utensils.

When the pizza man arrived, Spike decided to completely abandon the idea of a full day's rest. He stared at the delivery boy, half asleep, and thinking innocently of all the times he'd ordered a pizza just to eat the delivery boy. His mouth watered at the thought.

"Is… he alright?" the boy asked, pointing nervously at the man sitting in the hallway staring at him.

"What, Spike? Yeah, he's cool. Just got out of prison for murder and drug abuse—technicality in the proceedings. He's just adjusting to being a free man. Prison does stuff to ya." Dawn said it all with such a straight face that Tara couldn't help but giggle. Spike had heard what she'd said, of course, and sent a sneer/growl his direction just for the fun of it.

Pale, the delivery boy swallowed hard and just about threw the pizza box at Dawn, who hurried to the kitchen.

"She's kidding, of course." Tara said soothingly. The pizza boy looked very relieved, and laughed at his own jumpiness. "Yeah, they were never able to send him to prison for that stuff." Smiling again, she gave money to the gaping delivery boy and shut the door.

"Tara! I never knew you had such a bad side!"

"Well… you know." Shrugging easily, she handed Dawn the bag of breadsticks. "Everyone's got a little darkness in them."

Giggling again, the two teenagers took a few slices of pizza and returned to their spot on the couch.

"What were you doing in the hallway, Spike?"

"Nibblet and her girl over there scared me half to death, screaming about something. Surprised you didn't hear it. Decided to just stay close. Too tired to go back downstairs."

"Oh, I see. I must have been pretty out. Those cold pills are potent."

"Right. Well, now you're here, I'm going to eat dinner." Reaching into the fridge, he took a brown paper bag out and headed off to the basement. "See that no one comes wandering in."


	5. Family Vacation

"I think it's time. Spike and the buffybot can take care of Sunnydale. We can do this. Spike's proven himself, and the Buffybot is way better than… well… when we first started."

"You're right. It is time. Let's surprise Dawny, though. We leave in two weeks."

"Y'see, you can always spot them by the way they walk. Kinda hunched over like." Xander brings his shoulders forward slightly, and pokes out his head. He looks kind of like Amy, the rat.

"Like the way a bad guy walks?" Dawn copies Xander, but brings her hands up and wrings them.

"No, not like that... There." Xander points to a girl across the mall. "See? Nerd. Closet nerd, too."

"Xander, you don't have to convince me. I totally believe there are tons of people who are as big of a nerd as you are."

"No! I'm not, though! Watch me walk, Dawnster." Xander straightened up, walked over to the candy machines, and put a quarter in. Then, he turned and walked back.

"Okay?"

"I don't walk like a nerd or a villain! I walk like-"

"A geek!"

Sighing, Xander tussled Dawns hair affectionately.

"And don't you forget it. Nerd."

"I do not walk like-"

"What in the world are you two arguing about?" Anya had come back finally, movie tickets in hand.

"Nothin, just teaching dawns here how to spot threats. They could be all around, you know."

"Right. Well, I've traded our hard earned cash for these. Where do we trade them for two hours of boring not-hallucinations?"

"An. That's not-"

"Yeah I know. I just wish they were. When I was in China, I used to..." Catching dawn's eye, she hurried to think of anything else but opium dens. "I used to... Fight ninjas."

"Ninjas are Japanese, An. We've been over this." Xander silently thanks Anya for not talking about Opium in front of Dawn. Again.

"Please, how could you tell? They're all short and have those squinty eyes and-" Okay, silent thanking done with. This was probably going to be way worse.

"Anya, come along. Let's get going before someone hears you."

Chuckling, Dawn followed her designated day-sitters into the movie theater.

"Well, I still think we should be watching what we're trading our money for if we're going to go on that awful trip full of mice."

"Um... What?" Dawn looked up at Xander for translation.

"Uhhh An and I are going to go on a vacation. To... An exterminator's retreat. A coworker got us tickets."

"Okaaaaay. That sounds..." Shaking her head, Dawn passed her ticket to the worker. "Totally lame."

Xander tosses his arm around Anya and leads her into the darkened theater, throwing her a look. Anya rolls her eyes and snuggles closer to him.

"Yes, well, Xander assures me it will be fun."

"Okay. I have everything packed." Willow turned and smiled triumphantly at Anya, who was holding up two jackets and a sack lunch.

"That can't fit! There's just no space! Anya-"

"Fine, I guess I'll have to stay behind..."

"Oh give me those." Willow turns back to the bags in front of her. "I'll figure this out."

Rolling her eyes, Anya decided to go to the front room.

"I don't even knew why you think we'll need jackets. It's the middle of summer in Southern California."

"It's just a rule of life, An. You take jackets when you go on vacation. It's like… a thing, I don't know. How much longer do we have before Spike is back with Dawn?" Xander asks his question to Willow, who is re-emerging form the kitchen, holding a bunch of bags.

"Um… half an hour, I think. Okay I'm going to pack all of this in the car. Am I missing anything?" Willow runs over her check list, scratching her head nervously.

"You've done quite well, Willow. Come and sit down for a moment. Xander can load those things up." Giles ignores Xander's look of 'wait, what?' and pats the couch next to him.

Willow drops the bags to the ground and slumps into the couch next to Giles.

"If you're going to convince Dawn this is going to be a good, fun idea, you're going to have to get rid of some of that stress. Try to breathe for a moment. This is all going to be great."

"Oh, Giles… what if it all goes wrong? What if we come back and the house is on fire? Or, Sunnydale is on fire! Or-"

"Willow, please… do shut up. Everything is going to be fine. I've checked every book and talked to every seer, there are no prophecies of anything major popping up in the next three days. So relax, would you?"

"Okay, I'm relaxing. This is me, relaxed." Willow leans back into the couch, and then pops back up again "But what if-"

"Alright that's it. Tara, I'm making her some tea and I might put something extra in it."

"Sure thing, boss." Taking Giles' spot next to her, Tara holds Willow's hand. "It's gonna be great. Amazon, right?"

"Amazon. Right. Me amazon."

"So then, Janice said the greatest thing-"

"I thought you didn't like Janice."

"No, I don't like Janet. Janice is cool. A little slutty, but cool."

"Right. So Janice said…" Spike barely prompted before Dawn dove back into her play-by-play of the evening.

"Ahh it was the coolest party. I still can barely believe they let me go." Dawn practically squealed again, jumping up onto the low stone wall that bordered the sidewalk they were walking down.

"Yeah, well, not like they didn't have insurance."

"Well yeah. Oh, did I tell you? That jerk Janet saw you and said you were like a drug dealer or something. I of course defended you, but now Janet's telling everyone I hang out with druggies."

"She said I was a what? Oh I might kill the bint."

"I don't know what bint means, but I think I'll start calling her that."

Spike chuckled at her for a moment, and then flipped out his lighter.

"What would you do if I started smoking?"

"Bloody tear out the limbs of whoever gave you your first one, drag you to a doctor, and have your lungs removed and replaced with studies about cancer and its effects."

"Uh… wouldn't that kill me just as dead?"

"It'd be a magic doctor." Dawn just laughs, and Spike rolls his eyes. "Anyway, just let me know when you want me to mess with this Janet girl. Could use a good scare these days."

"Gettin that evil itch?"

"Always got that, luv." Blowing smoke into the night air, Spike began to wonder when exactly it had become so easy to talk to the bit.

"Yeah, okay. Spike… what does it mean that you don't have a soul? Like, really? Cuz I mean, I think you're a good guy. And I know of tons of people with souls that are worse than any soulless vampire I've met."

"Yeah? Like who."

"Like hitler."

"Demon."

"What? No way! Was he a vampire?"

"Nope. But he was a demon. Knew you were gonna use him as an example. Not all evil dictators were demons, but Hitler was. The camps were all about that stuff."

"Seriously?" Dawn kicks a rock down the road. "Well, still. Like you said, not all evil dictators were demons. What about them? And, like, murderers and stuff?"

"There's a difference, course, between demons and evil humans."

"What is it?"

"An evil human chooses to lose his soul. Demons are born with a different type of soul, and Vampires… we have ours stolen." Spike takes another drag of his cigarette, and blows the smoke away from Dawn.

"Oh." Is all she can say. Lost in deep thoughts, no doubt.

"Don't worry bout it though. I don't have a soul, but I have my freedom of choice. So I choose to play this side of the fence for a while. Don't know how long that'll last. Don't know what I'll do after that. I don't think about it much, and neither should you."

"Sure thing. I'll just uh… get on that."

"Somethin still botherin you, luv?"

"Do you ever… do you ever wish you had a soul?"

Spike chokes on the smoke in his lungs, and coughs it up.

"What? Bloody hell, no! Never! And be like Angel the Poof of all Poofs? Wash your mouth out. Sides, wouldn't even know how to get one if I wanted. Which I don't and never will. What goes on in that weird little head of yours?" Spike finally gets his lungs working right again, and takes another drag.

"Just wondering. So, anyway, at the party…"

"They're at the bottom of the driveway. Okay, everyone get into places!"

"So I was like 'Chyeah, and I'm the queen of spain!' and everyone laughed so-" Dawn pulled the door open to reveal… everyone? "Uh… what's everyone doing here?"

"Surprise!" They all shout at once, holding out tickets to…

"Disneyland? We're going to Disneyland?" Dawn lets out a high pitched squeal of excitement, and throws her arms around them all.

Spike, meanwhile, turns back around and heads to his spot by the tree. _Gonna be another one of those nights_.

"This is so cool! We're going for three days? Oh my—when do we leave?" Dawn kept staring at the tickets and holding them close, as if she was afraid they'd just fly away.

"Tomorrow at the crack of dawn. We're all staying here the night so we can just leave tomorrow morning. We'll be at the hotel sometime in the afternoon, and then it's all Disneyland all day!" Willow gave a big smile to Giles, who mouthed _told you_ to her. She couldn't believe now that she'd been so worried.

It was all worth it just to see that smile on Dawn's face.

About an hour later, things got quiet inside the house. They would need their sleep for the big days ahead. Despite the silence, though, there was an excitement in the air that everyone could feel. Including the bleached vampire standing out by his tree.

Spike hadn't known about the trip, exactly. Tara or someone had mentioned something to him about it briefly, that they were going to go away, and he was in charge of the Buffybot. It'd been a week or so ago. No one had elaborated further.

He wasn't mad, exactly. He knew he didn't fit in with them—not really. He hadn't ever been one of the Scoobies. Not that he wanted to, but…

Sometimes he longed for days passed. Days when he _truly _belonged. When it was him and Dru. Hell, he'd even take Darla and Angelus on some days. Like this one.

Not that things had been much different then. _Go take care of the witnesses, William. Go get us some dinner. Let the grown-ups talk. Don't ask so many questions._

Spikes hands started to shake as he let his mind wander to memories long repressed. Taking out a cigarette, he lifted it to his mouth and held it there for a moment.

_At least then I was wanted… most of the time._

Bringing up the lighter, Spike tried to get his mind off of it. He looked up at the stars, and wondered briefly what he was going to do with himself the next three days.

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS

1981-2001

BELOVED SISTER

DEVOTED FRIEND

SHE SAVED THE WORLD

A LOT

He always smiled at the last two lines. Kneeling down, Spike ran his hands over the words. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the daisy he'd given Anya to put on the grave. He couldn't bring himself to attend properly. That all seemed so long ago, now.

"Guess Dawn'll be startin' up high school. Sunnydale High is bein rebuilt an everything. Love ta'v seen your face when it was announced." Spike takes another drink, then stands up. "Well, gotta go patrollin with that dull automaton. Wish I'd never made it. You know that."

Walking away, Spike calls for the Buffybot. He'd prefer to just work alone, but he couldn't leave the thing on its own. Plus, the more demons and vampires saw its face, the less they came out and caused trouble. Which was a bonus for some reason Spike didn't totally agree with or understand.

Spike was a lot happier than he'd like to admit when they all came back. If he'd had a tail, it would've betrayed him.

As it was, he just leaned back against the tree, smoking, like nothing bothered him in the world. He heard the familiar car long before it was close. The buffybot was inside, charging or something. Spike just stood there, waiting.

"Home… we made it." Xander folded out of the too-small car and landed on the ground face first. "The ground. I feel like I've been at sea."

"Let's… unpack tomorrow. Any objections? No? Okay." Willow was the next out. She guided a half-asleep Dawn out of her seat, and was followed by Giles, Tara, and Anya. Xander just stayed on the ground.

"Well. You lot have a good time, then?" Spike couldn't stop his smirk at their appearance. They looked like they'd been the ones fighting demons.

"Good time. Great time. Too good time. Not eating… ever again." Spike opened the door for them, and laughed as each one dragged themselves into the house.

"I'll take her upstairs, Will. Not like I haven't done it before." Spike picked up Dawn easily, who was dead on her feet. "No more… rides." She protested slightly, before nestling into the folds of Spikes coat.

"Got that right." Xander had finally trailed in after them, and collapsed on the floor next to the couch, which Giles was occupying.

"Right, well. The cots in the basement if anyone wants it. I'll leave you all to it." Once upstairs, he took a second to pry Dawn's shoes off before dropping her onto her bed.

After taking another look at the beleaguered company downstairs, he smiled to himself and was suddenly so glad he wasn't a true member of their crowd. For one, mouse ears didn't go well with his eyes.

"This looks like so much fun! I want to go to Disneyland! I haven't gone since I was way little." Mel looks through the pictures, laughing briefly at one with a big guy giving a costumed princess a hug. "Who is this?"

"That's Xander. You've seen him around, I'm sure. He's like… my adopted big brother. And that's Giles… he's like basically my dad. You know Willow and Tara of course, and that's Anya. She's dating Xander."

"Wow, so fun! Where's Buffy?"

"Oh, she was there for the first day but couldn't stay. We didn't get any pictures with her." The lie slips out so easily, Dawn barely notices. She's been having to cover for Buffy's death the whole summer.

"Where's the blonde guy? Spike, right?"

"Spike? Oh, he didn't come. This was like a family thing. Plus Spike would have hated it." Dawn picks up the picture of all of them going down the log ride together.

_I have a weird family, _she thinks to herself briefly.


	6. Tabula What?

"…he gonna be okay?"

"Of course, Dawny. But uh, just in case, let's move him to the cot down in the basement." Waving her arm, willow made the unconscious vampire float into the air. She grunted under the pressure, but was able to keep him airborne. "See? Not a-whoops… Hard to control… Dawny will you get the door? Hope that doesn't make the concussion worse…Sorry, Spike…"

_I… am so thirsty…_

He turns over on his cot, not realizing that there's really not room for that, and falls to the floor.

"Ow…" Rubbing his head, he realizes it hurts more than it should for just falling to the ground. He looks around, wondering where he is. _Looks like a… basement or something?_

Sitting up, he looks around for some clue as to why he's here. Finding that effort fruitless, he begins shakily stands up, pressing the palm of his hand into his head. _I get in a fight or something?_

He heads towards the stairs, trying to blink the blurriness out of his eyes.

Once he reaches the top of the stairs, he finds himself in an unfamiliar kitchen. _I get drunk and fight someone, then spend the night at their house…?_

Finding himself alone, he headed firsts for the sink. He turned on the water and put his face up to it, splashing it on him and taking a long drink from it. _Guess that helped a little… but I'm still so thirsty._

Turning, he sees the front door. _Guess I'll be off, then._ He opens the door, but before he can step through the threshold he jumps back in surprise.

"Bloody hell!" He jumps into the other room, away from the light that was pouring into the room. "It burned me!" Looking at his arms in surprise, he turned them over a few times, surveying the damage.

"You say something?" A young girl's voice comes from upstairs. The man is still so intrigued at his arms that he doesn't notice her come down the steps.

Just before she steps into the sunlight, he looks up and sees her.

"No!" he shouts, and throws himself at her. "The bleedin' thing will burn ya!" Not knowing his own strength, he falls to the ground with her.

"Spike? What are you talking about?"

"Spikes? Where?" He shouts, now wondering if someone was after them with pointy objects.

"Oh no…" The girl pushes herself up and pulls herself out from underneath the confused man.

"What? What's going on? Who are you?" The man pulls himself up and stands up against the wall, holding his arms out as if to protect himself. "Where am I?"

"Listen, just… calm down. Why don't you have a seat?"

"I am calm! You calm down! Why won't you answer me, little girl? What's going on?"

"Hey, why is the door—oh, you're awake."

The blonde man looked in confusion as a redheaded girl stepped into the house from the sunlight, closing the door behind her.

"Why… why aren't you burnin' like I did?" Looking down at his arms, he considered the red head. "You immune or somethin?"

"Um… What? Dawn, what's going on?"

"I have no idea. I think he has amnesia or something."

"What the bloody hell are you two goin on about? Who has amnesia?" both of them looked at each other and then over at Spike, who was crossing his arms now. "You're both off your rockers, you two. I'm gettin out of here."

Spike made a move for the door, but stopped short in front of the sunlight.

"Sorry, you're stuck here. Do you remember anything? Do you know your name?"

"Course I know my bloody name! You think I'm a-hey wait a minute." Spike stood up straight, and looked off to the side. "My name…" Mumbling to himself, Spike looked off into the distance. "Hi, my name is… uh… Hello, I'm…" Eyes widening, he looked up again at the two women in the room before him. "Whadya do to me?"

"Nothing! Calm down, and we'll tell you everything. First of all, your name is Spike. I'm Willow, and this is Dawn."

"K. So what then, who are you?" Spike asked as calmly as he could, watching them take seats at the kitchen table.

"Uh… just said, Spike."

"No, I mean who are you to me. You're Willow and Dawn, but who are you to me? And what am I doin here? Do I live here, with you two?"

"No, you don't. You live uh… doesn't matter. Not here. But you are here a ton, because uh…"

"Because why?" Spike prompts when she trails off.

"You protect me. And Willow too, and the others." Dawn motions for Spike to sit down, but he doesn't. He regards her with a suspicious eye, and waits for her to continue. "You uh… You probably have amnesia because you were protecting me."

"Right."

The whole Scooby gang was assembled later that evening. Spike mostly just watched them, only asking questions occasionally. Turns out when he killed that demon, it released some kind of toxin that was shrouding his memories.

It was interesting, watching them. He didn't feel anything particular towards them, except some annoyance. He couldn't figure out why they kept saying he protected them. He didn't love any of them, that was for sure.

_That's because that emotion is gone, little William. Just like everything else that was pure and good._

Spike shook his head. Another flashback. What had his name been? Angelus, that was it.

Why? Why did he stick around these people, who clearly had little regard for him? Even as they were studying for a way to help him remember, he could tell most of them were just goofing off. Even the ones that were seriously looking were only doing it halfheartedly. It was clear he didn't have a place among them, not really.

Spike glanced at the door and considered just leaving. He knows what he is, more or less. A vampire. Can't attack people though, some kind of uh…something. Didn't care. Doesn't matter. He could figure it out on his own.

Standing, Spike regarded the warm scene before them. Couples coupling together. Eating dinner. Looking through old, dusty books. No, this wasn't his scene. Spike couldn't tell you the year he was born or if he had a last name, but he knew this wasn't where he belonged.

So, he slipped out the front door into the night.

"Ah ha! I got it! Looks like this should work. Spike?" Willow looked over to the vacant couch and stood up. "Where'd Spike go?"

"He was over there just a second ago… I thought."

"Maybe he went outside for a smoke?"

"I'll go check. Stay here in case he comes back." Standing, Xander took one last bite of his pizza and headed outside.

It was a warm night, and the moon was full. Xander saw him almost immediately, right next to his tree.

"There you are. Come on back inside, we-"

"I remembered." Spike was leaning against the tree, his back turned to Xander.

"What? You remembered everything? Well, that's good news, cuz-"

"No. Not everything, just… some things. Doesn't matter. I figured it out. Why I stick around here."

Xander leaned against the railing and raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate.

"That's something I'd like to hear. Unless it's about Buffy, because…"

"No, it's not about uh… Buffy. It's…" Spike turned and faced Xander, eyes clear with understanding. "Really, it doesn't matter." Spike shook his head and started heading up the stairs. "Just hope you know you'll never have to put me down… more loyal than a damn retriever, this Spike is." Spike walked inside, leaving the door open for Xander.

_"Angelus. It's been too long. Introduce me to your family."_

_"Of course, Charles. This is my dear wife and sire Darla, and my daughter Drusilla. Oh, and that there is William, the newest addition."_

_"I see. Whose is he?"_

_"Well Charles, they're all mine. Dru picked this one up though, clever girl she is. We needed a good loyal guard dog, after all." I sneer at the Irishmen, and turn my attention back to this stranger named Charles. Don't like him. "Dangerous world we live in. Don't mind him, Charles, come in and have a drink. We got ourselves a whole family for this reunion."_

That's the way he'd always been. First loyal to mum, then to Angelus, then to Dru, then to Buffy. It was always the same. Beat him. Throw him out. Yell at him. Threaten him. Didn't matter—never mattered. Just don't abandon him. He'll be devoted and loyal through it all, he'll keep coming back until you force him to stay away. Only difference between now and before was Angelus and Dru knew the power they had over him. They knew how to manipulate his addiction to feeling needed and wanted, no matter the cost. His need to protect the nest. He hadn't always been good at it, of course, but whenever one of his antics got the family into trouble, Angelus knew just what to say to make him feel like dirt and come crawling back, begging to be let back in.

Buffy didn't know the power she'd had over him, but she'd wielded it just as effectively as Angelus had. To him, her hate always felt like love. It's really not a surprise he fell for her so hard. Every time she'd said she needed him, no matter what it was for… she'd been tightening the leash. Binding him to her and everything she held dear.

Even in her death he wasn't free. Couldn't be free. Didn't want to.


	7. Intermission

Carol pulled into the driveway slowly, hoping no one will try and get in behind her. _Maybe this time I'll be able to talk to Dawn's guardians and introduce myself. _Carol feels a twinge of sadness at remembering Joyce's death. She'd been such a big part of the community. _Still can't believe that dead beat ex of hers never came for those poor girls._

Carol turned off the car and got out of the car quickly. She hated the night, especially since she moved to Sunnydale. This was southern California, sure, but it's not like it was L.A. or some big city. It was supposed to be safe here. Still, couldn't beat those housing prices for such real estate.

Sighing, she grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

"Who're you, then?"

"Ah!" Carol let out a short squeal of surprise when a man seems to appear out of nothing. _He's dangerous. _Instinctively, Carol put her hand in her purse and held onto the pepper spray, priming it. "What do you think you're doing, scaring people like that?"

"Jus' doin' my job. Keepin' the house safe. What's your story?" The man pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his large leather duster, but didn't pull one out.

"I don't have to explain myself to you." Walking past him, she started up the steps and headed to the door.

He was in front of her in seconds, standing between her and the door.

"Do it anyway."

Feeling her determination falter, Carol took a step back. Up close, he looked even more intimidating and downright scary. He had a nasty scar above his eye, that she could only imagine he'd gotten in a fight.

"I'm here to get my daughter. Now if you don't get away from the door, I'm going to-to-"

"Oh, you're short-stuff's mum. Right then."

The man stood up and opened the door, holding it open for her. She stepped inside warily, still gripping the pepper spray.

"Bit! Your friend's mum is here! Bit!" leaning up against the wall, the blonde man lit a cigarette. "Thought she was spendin the night, Carol. Weren't expectin you 'till mornin'. Pardon me for bein skiddish." He didn't look particularly repentant, but she found herself calming down.

"Well, something came up and she needs to come home. Where is Buffy, or those girls—Willow and Tara?"

"Out. They'll be back in an hour or so."

"Right. And you are…?"

"Watchin the house. Thought that was clear enough." Clearly bored with the conversation, the man tilted his head towards the staircase. "Bit! Don't make me go up there, come on! Say your goodbyes and all."

"Right. I'm not sure how comfortable I am with my daughter being alone in the house with a strange man prowling around outside the door 'watching the house' as you put it."

"Then don't be." Done with the conversation, he threw the cigarette outside the door and headed for the stairs. "Your kid's probly never been safer, though." He mumbled under his breath before taking the steps at a slow pace.

Somehow, Carol found herself believing his words.

"Dawn, what's takin so bleedin long?" Spike opened the door to Dawn's room semi-violently. "Makin me traips all through the house."

"Sorry Spike, just packing." The girls were hurrying to find all their scattered books, notebooks, and clothes. They'd been planning something, looks like.

"Yeah, well, hurry with it."

"Spike, you didn't scare Mel's mom or anything, did you?" Dawn looked up at Spike with an eyebrow raised.

"Hell if I know. She wasn't sposed to be here tonight, you know. Can't blame me for bein' suspicious." _So, yes._ Dawn thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

"Go play nice with her or something. We're going to be another few minutes. If Mel's mom doesn't let her come over anymore, I'm running away to Switzerland."

"No you're not. Switzerland is a dumb place to run away to."

"Spike, please…"

"Fine, bit. But you owe me."

Back downstairs, Carol was standing nervously by the door.

"Sorry bout that, luv. They'll be down in a few. By the way, that's a lovely uh, 'do you've got. Who does your hair for ya?"

Hi there, I'm Kite. Sorry for the short boring-ness. It's part of a bigger thing, or so I've been led to believe. Here on out things should be picking up, if I'm half the writer I pretend to be.

First off, thank you for making it this far. I know this hasn't been my most exciting works, but I feel like it's an important story to write, and one that has been at the least utterly ignored and at the most butchered.

Anyway, if you want to know some of my thoughts, keep reading. Otherwise, just go ahead and skip it.

First off, you'll notice an extreme lack of angst in these chapters. I've found that most post-The Gift episodes are basically the same. It focuses on one character (typically Spike, but it's sometimes a different one) and that single characters grief. No one else in the story is as sad as they are, no one could possibly understand, blah blah blah. No one is very supportive, everyone sucks, everything sucks, and it's angst angst cry cry cut cut etc etc. Does this sometimes reflect true mourning? Sometimes, but not frequently. Mourning and grief are strong and passionate for a little while, but then it becomes more subtle and insidious. More meaningful, really. That's what I hope to capture in these stories. I don't really care if no one reads them. I wasn't even sure if I was going to post them, but maybe there's one or two other people out there who feel the same as me.

Speaking of, about my view on Spike as a big fluffy puppy this last chapter.

I've read a quite few Fanged Four fics, and I find them fascinating. What's most interesting is they portray them all much the same way: Darla is annoying and aloof, Drusilla is an insane 4 year old, Spike is the clueless, sniveling whipping boy, and Angelus is this boring ponce who wants to live all high class and never take any chances, and is constantly beating on Spike for not memorizing demon mythology and languages or not having good manners.

I think this is a ridiculous way to interpret the Fanged Four, and I don't know how it's become so widespread.

From the few flashbacks we get in the two shows, it's abundantly clear that yes, Angelus is in charge, but by no means is he content to just sit in a big mansion and play house. He loves the chaos and the hunt, loves going out into rebellions and natural disasters, etc. He gets pissed at Spike when he takes unnecessary chances and screws up, but we can hardly use one scene of this as his entire characterization, especially after all the other scenes we have of them in the past.

This is where I base my theory that Spike is much like a guard dog.

He was Angelus's friend, in a way. (See "The Girl in Question in AtS). However, there was clearly an imbalance of power, we see that in every flashback and in the way they talk to each other. Much like dog may be man's best friend, but man is in charge and the dog ought to do what it's told. So long as it obeys, it can frolic and chase and do dog things with its human.

Further, when it comes to the Scoobies, Spike is never a true member. After all, no matter how trusted or favored a dog may become, it's never one of the children.

Lastly, Spike understands this to some level and has accepted it. It's a part of who he is, and he knows it. This is also why he couldn't be Buffy's equal in their relationship, which is ultimately why she never loved him the way she'd loved Angel or Riley, who had both been equal to her. Spike was, as she put it "beneath" her. And that's why it hurt so much to hear those words to her.

Because he believed them.


End file.
